We here at New York Ultimate believe that cooking with butter, lard or other saturated fats is a recipe for disaster. Heart disease is one of the leading causes of death (we think), and with so much to worry about in the world today (global terrorism, crumbling economies, the Mets starting pitching rotation), it seems unwise to recommend the use of fatty spreads and lubricants. That's why we have decided to roast, rather than fry, our opponents at World Championships in Hawaii. Instead of utilizing our usual two-step process (in which the beast is first smothered in just the sort of oily mess we're now disavowing, before being dropped into a sizzling pan), we will now be shoveling the carcass directly into the fire. While it's a more violent process, it's also a healthier one (for us, that is), and as we expect to be eating quite a bit over the course of our Hawaiian Adventure, we need to think about our long term health and well being. Gone, after all, are the carefree days of 1994, when we served greasy chicken to those very unfortunates we planned to later feed on. Hello! Ever hear of mad chicken disease?
As for the slaying itself, New York Ultimate is dedicated to variety and whimsy. Whether it's Elijah Hawkes going on one of his (now infamous) air raids, or Marty Brutvan impaling the poor beasts of the soil, or J. Dono employing his "Looking for this?" stealth routine, we are a team that thrives on the new move, the razzle dazzle, the thrust and parry.
Sometimes, though, we wonder if it's right. Do we, as representatives of the greatest city on earth (and far greater than your own bullshit candyass city, we are sure), have a certain ethical responsibility? Should we, perhaps, be preaching words of peace and wisdom, rather than focusing on wholesale slaughter and its corresponding culinary requirements? Is it possible, we often ask ourselves, that this is a morally reprehensible way to go through a tournament, and that perhaps our energies should be focused on the Good, rather than on the Bad and the Ugly? But each time we wonder, some new and beautiful bloodshed seems to occur, and we are back where we started: on the killing floor. We'll see you there. You, for your part, will likely have the engorged pupils, the vacant stare, the gutted torso. The skinless look really works for you. No, really. We're totally serious.
We here at New York Ultimate believe that cooking with butter, lard or other saturated fats is a recipe for disaster. Heart disease is one of the leading causes of death (we think), and with so much to worry about in the world today (global terrorism, crumbling economies, the Mets starting pitching rotation), it seems unwise to recommend the use of fatty spreads and lubricants. That's why we have decided to roast, rather than fry, our opponents at World Championships in Hawaii. Instead of utilizing our usual two-step process (in which the beast is first smothered in just the sort of oily mess we're now disavowing, before being dropped into a sizzling pan), we will now be shoveling the carcass directly into the fire. While it's a more violent process, it's also a healthier one (for us, that is), and as we expect to be eating quite a bit over the course of our Hawaiian Adventure, we need to think about our long term health and well being. Gone, after all, are the carefree days of 1994, when we served greasy chicken to those very unfortunates we planned to later feed on. Hello! Ever hear of mad chicken disease? 
